Go with the flow

Updated: Feb 28, 2019

Life is such a teaching process that she takes care to put on our way the people and events we have to encounter to evolve. Should we follow the heart or should we go for the mind? And there we are, the conflict between heart and mind starts to show up. But what if our interpretation of reality is missing a link. What if the relation between the alignment of emotions and thoughts is essential to shape our reality?

In 2011 I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Today while I’m writing this story, I am completely symptom-free, and I would describe myself to be in the best shape of my life. Together with Nora, we are on this travel we always dreamed about but never dared to go for. Thanks to all the challenges life provided us, we were able to shake some of our limiting beliefs, and we got the opportunity to do what we are doing today. But there was also a lot of physical and mental suffering involved in the last years before we arrived where we are today.

Iron Jack our hero with his dog Jaquaan

It’s hard to define where all my suffering started precisely. Health issues were a loyal companion already during my youth. I would describe myself as a happy child that grew up with fantastic and all accepting parents looking after my sisters and me. As a child and teenager, I was asking myself a lot of questions. In a way, I always felt dependent from my parents and from the other people in my environment to function correctly. But I still pushed myself in order not to appear or admit being dependent. I was, and I am idealistic, perfectionist and I expect a lot of myself and I wanted, to please everyone at any price. Jumping from one sickness to another during my youth, my speaking body tried to tell me something all these years, but I never listened.

Until December 2011, where I couldn’t avoid his signals anymore. I had some difficulties, to finish my bachelor thesis. It took me longer and longer, I lost myself in more and more details, without actually having something on the paper. Additional stress arrived due to the upcoming exams for the master studies and due to the Christmas business which started to roll on in the HI-FI store where I was working at the same time. After a weekend with some friends, where we drank a lot of alcohol and had physical stress, I started to lose control of my body. I couldn’t speak correctly, I felt dizzy, and a feeling of numbness started to spread out in my right hand. I learned later on that the medical term for this numbness feeling is tingling paresthesia. This paresthesia began to grow over my whole body, slowly but steady. I went to the hospital. “Oh the boy had to much stress, a little pill will help” said the doctor from the emergency room in the hospital from our small town. Without further examination, he sent me back home and told me to take a good night of rest with the pill he gave me. 24h later, my whole right arm was numb and partly paralysed, and the paresthesia started to spread intensely over my left arm as well. We went back for an emergency appointment with the Neurologist to make some CT scans to have further clarification. I can still see the scenery very vividly, an old guy with round glasses is waiting for us in his old office, the walls full of old books like you would expect it from an English movie scene. He couldn’t really explain what was happening, but he made some suppositions; I could have multiple sclerosis. But to invest further, I had to go to a much bigger University hospital in Germany. When I arrived in front of the German hospital, an impressive scene was pictured in front of me. A massive complex with all kind of tubes sticking out from the building and vapour was going up in the sky on this cold evening. The hospital looked more like a power plant I was studying in my courses.

At this time, I had to tell my Boss from the Hifi store and my professor, that I had to be hospitalised for a while. I felt like I was losing the control over my life; there was so much I had to do. Mentally I was dead serious, I couldn’t get sick right now. But deep inside of me without saying it out loud and understanding it consciously, it felt like a relief. As if the symptoms saved me from further damage my mind would do to me. The first weeks, of going from examination to examination and living in the unknown made me feel less optimistic for a positive outcome and more and more frightened. My mother visited me as much as she could, and together we were playing doctor google. We were trying to solve the riddle a bit faster and not wait for the doctors to come up with something.

After 2 weeks of hospitalisation, the paresthesia took over my whole body. From the tips of my fingers up to my throat and down to my knees turning partly even into paralysis. I couldn't work on my bachelor thesis anymore while writing on the computer. Even under this circumstances, I couldn't let go and just concentrate on healing. I had the impression I was losing time. I was in complete aversion to what was actually happening to me. When the anxiety and the long time waiting, thoroughly boiled me I felt really weak, mentally and physically. At the moment when I was most suggestible, the doctor professor finally marched in my room, to present me the results.

Diagnosis of the doctor professor:

Myelitis situated on ⅔ of the spinal core which is causing the paresthesia and paralysis and a strong immunodeficiency.

He explained to me this could be the beginning of Multiple Sclerosis, but nobody knows if this would happen and how my health’s situation will evolve; the western medicine has no answer to that. Suddenly I understood deep down, this is not a joke. There is something serious happening here. I became adult overnight, all the little problems I used to complain about in my life seemed like a joke. I was here due to some health problems. This was not something I could just minorize. It felt like I was in front of a mountain which I had to climb to get over this situation. To finish off my hospital stay, they gave me 3000mg Cortison intravenous over the following 3 days. My mind and body were literally wholly numb. My mother put everything she could into place to find a solution, so I didn’t have to follow up with the heavy medications for the MS.

"You can't CHANGE the situation, the only thing you can change is how you choose to DEAL with it."

What happens next is still mind-blowing for me today while I’m writing this. The husband of the cousin of my grandmother is a doctor who was diagnosed himself with MS in his 20’s. He only started the studies of medicine to find a way to cure himself. 2 months after my hospital stay I had the opportunity to meet him in person, Dr. med. Claus Broedersdorff. He was already 86 when he started to treat me. Due to the uniqueness of his treatment, he didn’t want to stop working because he was helping so many people with their MS from all over the world.

He explained to me the following:

The source of multiple sclerosis or "encephalomyelitis disseminata" (ED) in the Western Medicine is until today still unknown. The therapy which is used in conventional medicine (immunosuppression and immune modulation) is eliminating the symptoms, but not the cause. Furthermore, it is slowly damaging all the nerve cords, until there are no nerve cords available anymore. This results in the worse case scenario for the patients. The conventional therapy only buys time but is not really helping the body healing. Over the years he developed with his patients a more holistic approach to treat the disease. Multiple Sclerosis is not actually an autoimmune disease, but a chronicle inflammation of the central nervous system and has a relation to 8 different viruses which can be found only in animal proteins [7].

The body of the patients who suffer from multiple sclerosis is actually not reacting to the virus itself but to fragments of the viruses; to the so-called prions (proteinaceous infectious agent). The prions manage to break through the blood-brain barrier and cause inflammations in the brain. Multiple sclerosis can be carried by a lot of persons, but it only breaks out if you combine intoxications (alcohol, cigarettes, industrialised food, food containing the prions, vaccinations, tick bite etc.), physical stress and mental stress, lack of vitamins and minerals along with their genetic defect. After his studies, multiple sclerosis occurs for a patient, only when they have already an immunodeficiency. He had a lot of success with his holistic approach to the sickness over the last years, and the chances for complete healing of the disease are getting bigger, the earlier the patients start his alternative treatment, and the body is not too much damaged by medication [1]. His treatment consisted of Chinese medicine, homoeopathy and a vegan whole food lifestyle.

I realise today that each time I had a crisis of MS, I had a tick bite or a vaccination not far from that moment. So the fact that life directly sends me to him, gave me a huge chance to heal myself completely. I couldn't believe the odd. Is there something like destiny, a path each of us has to walk? It felt like life wanted to me to learn a lesson and not completely beat me down. The before insurmountable mountain directly shrink to a little hill. I just had to open up to life, control less, eat a whole food vegan diet and allow my body to heal himself. I decided to leave the life of routine I was living in, and start the beautiful life full of adventure. First thing I did, I subscribe for an exchange semester in Switzerland. Something I always wanted to do during my studies, was to go abroad. Initially, it was Australia where I wanted to head, but I didn't listen to my inner voice strongly enough and did what others wanted me to do. The symptoms got less and less, and the new whole food diet and life decision I took made me really euphoric. But I would lie if I would tell you now that the anxiety was gone entirely at that moment of my life. It was more like waking up from a horrible nightmare when you are thrilled that it is over and that he will not come back anymore.

After 5 months of therapy, I was about to go with a friend to 3 week trip through Russia and Scandinavia. It felt like it was practically impossible to follow all the nutritional advice he gave me. By that time I was still wholly symptom-free, and I felt I could dare the challenge to live like a ”normal” person without being anxious about what I'm eating and how it might affect me. My doctor supported me in that idea and told me that if I don't get new symptoms during or after that travel, I’m healed. I didn’t want the sickness to come back. I was very young, and the only thing I wanted was to enjoy life. And my dream came true, the disease didn’t come back on this trip, neither in the following 4 years of adventure while I was living in Switzerland and Belgium.

“If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine; it is lethal.”
― Paulo Coelho

And there I was, trying to live an ordinary unhealthy life again. I was in complete aversion in my mid 20'. I just wanted to be normal like everyone. Doing ordinary things, and not overthinking my health condition. Starting a career, earning money, the basic routine. I was raping my body and my mind again like I completely forgot what I went through when I had the diagnosis of the MS. My body was coping, until a particular moment, when he stroke back.

Back in May 2016, I was working already for about a year as a project engineer in a company in Belgium. In a nutshell, the position involved a lot of responsibilities, multitasking and being constantly under time pressure. The role also involved travelling. I had to make a vaccination for yellow fever to go on a trip to Africa. Everything went really well until everything started to get out of control. One engineering office which was working for me made an error, and it delayed the delivery time of one of my projects. I literally worked my ass off for 2 months, and I finally couldn’t go with my friends and my girlfriend on holidays. While I was working overtime, I thought I could catch up, and the intensity of the work will get a bit less, only to discover that it got even more intense. I still remember this moment really vividly, when I realised that I was doomed. I heard a high pitch noise in my ear, and in the following days, I started to lose the control over my body. The dizziness was so intense that I could barely walk a straight line. I took a long weekend and visited a friend in Switzerland in the mountains, to take a break. But, I already knew that this was not a good sign. The following week I had an MRI scan and appointment with an MS specialist in Belgium.

Diagnosis: Multiple sclerosis.

Everything started turning, and I felt like going out of my body and watching the scene from above. The doctor was talking a lot, but he didn’t even listen to my story that I already fought once successfully the MS 4 years back. He just said that there are scars shown on the MRI scan, which are indicating that I had another inflammation in my spinal cord in the meanwhile, and if I don’t start following a conventional therapy, I will be for sure in 10 years in the wheelchair. Coming out of the office, my mother directly contacted Dr Broedersdorff to asked for advice on how to succeed, and if should take the 3000mg cortisol the doctor booked me an appointment for or not. I felt foolish that I completely overdid everything again. It felt like I mistreated my body and mind to that point that the sickness came back. I didn't learn the lesson. But I also felt amused by the fact, that I restarted thinking about my disease some while ago when I actually met Nora. I will not explain you in details how we met and how crazy amazing this story was that we found each other. I tell you this because there was something special about her. She told me about her autoimmune condition when I first met her; I was not at all shocked, because I knew what she was going through mentally from my own story. After one month of dating, we were coming back from a party in the centre of Brussels, she felt a pain in her lungs and couldn’t breathe properly. In the following day, she went to the doctor, and she had to be hospitalised because she had a pulmonary embolism. Generally, I already have a protective nature, but when I realised what happened to her, I made myself really big and keen to help her through this challenging time in the hospital. I had the opportunity to give her and her parents a lot of faith with my own story that she doesn’t have to go through this carousel of doctors to heal herself. I was convinced that there is also an alternative healing approach to her sickness, so she doesn't have to take medications for the rest of her life. I was genuinely convinced that there is a way for her and that she doesn't have to feel desperate that she cannot heal herself. I know this will sound now very cheesy, but it felt like this encounter was not out of the blue, we had to meet. I took it as my personal mission to help her healing.

In the following months, we tried a lot of different alternative therapies, and one of the doctors was actually the apprentice who took over the patients of Dr Broedersdorff. Unfortunately, her approach for the MS was not holistic enough to help Nora as well with her sickness. She could only give her some advice for a whole food lifestyle (like the one we are following today) she should try to support her body to heal herself. But I knew deep down inside of me that there is a solution for her that she doesn't have to suffer. During the month of active research, I was reading books about alternatives approaches on health. In one of the books I read that Fluoride has an important impact on the development of the MS [6]. If you want to read more about that topic, go read our article about Fluoride in LEARN wide awake section of the website. This sounded strangely similar to the theories of Broedersdorff about the Prions, and how they pass the blood-brain barrier cause inflammation in the brain. I directly started to exchange my conventional toothpaste with fluoride free toothpaste. The fact that I stumbled over this information back then surprises me today. I asked myself the question: What is the correlation between the prions passing the brain blood barrier and the fluoride passing the brain blood barrier since both are responsible for MS-symptoms? It awakened my curiosity about the correlation between the actions of the industrialised countries and the health condition of their citizen. I felt kind of nostalgic that my sickness was gone at that moment. But I felt motivated to help Nora even more.

And then, to jump back to the moment after my crisis, I had to meet Dr Gunda Schlinck again. Her treatment compared to the treatment of Broedersdorff was even more radical regarding the whole food lifestyle, and Nora and I went completely vegan and free of any toxins. But foolish how I was, I didn’t take her advice to take a break in my career for at least one month, because I couldn’t let go of my projects. To be honest, I was most anxious, about what happens if I show that I’m weak. I didn’t want to admit it to the company. Everyone around me was worried, but I started to put on my mask of a warrior who is the strongest person in the world, but deep down I was most desperate. I felt like I was again in front of the insurmountable mountain. Apparently, the method of Dr Broedersdorff didn't actually heal me. This time I didn't want to live in this anxiety anymore that if I get in contact with the Prions either over the nutrition or other products that I have a crisis again. I felt weak in my being that I'm different than the others. I felt I couldn't live a normal life again. There was something inside of me, but I didn't want to accept it. I didn't want to live with this thing. The only way was to find a solution to heal me completely and not only to run away from the symptoms. But at the same time, I was super busy with my job which asked so much of me, and there was little time to investigate a lot of time into my health. A solution had to be found, right now.

This conflict inside of me, and the way I saw myself created a huge conflict inside of myself. What follows is complete madness. I tried to keep my stress level low and limited my working hours and my effort. But In the job I was working, this meant that I was actually postponing my work. And the staple of work grew steadily. Noone showed compassion, I mean how could they? It was work not a support group for MS sick people, and furthermore, I only confirmed all the time that I had everything under control and that I was the strongest. Everything was a lie, but I kept it to myself. I even higher the amount of sport to counterbalance my stress, and I lost in 3 months more than 15 kg. People around me started to get worried about my appearance. I began to get crazy. I was convinced that the sport is the only way to keep my stress level low and that it will counterbalance the amount of work which was growing on my staple.

In December of that year, I ultimately went crazy, and I couldn’t continue to ignore my work anymore, and I worked overtime on a regular basis. I could definitely feel how my performance went down from the moment I had my crisis during the summer continuously due to the emotional charge of my health conditions. But I didn’t want to admit it to anyone. Everything was drifting away. I started to have more and more sleepless nights. The work was everywhere, and couldn’t concentrate on a good work-life-balance anymore. On the 23rd of December, I left the office at 11pm. The next day I felt that my body was completely beyond his limit. I lost blood each time I went to the toilet. I felt completely worn out. I couldn’t stop thinking about my projects and what I should have done and what not. It was Christmas time, but I was mentally gone. I couldn’t really relax during this holidays, my performance during the sport was going down, and my muscles felt constantly sour. After the Christmas and new year holidays, I returned physically to work, but mentally I was gone.

It was beginning of January 2017. I made it somehow through the first week, but I couldn’t help myself; I was just not productive, I felt burned out. But to the exterior I wouldn’t show it that I’m weak; I had to be professional I told myself. I went to a Naturopath in Brussels, he said to me that my body is in horrible conditions and that I am in a complete acidic state and that I directly have to change something drastically in my life and in my nutrition or my health will turn really bad. I was mentally too fragile, this encounter made me even more anxious and brought me emotionally out of balance. People told me that my suffering was visible from the exterior. I had panic attacks, I couldn’t open my emails without feeling completely anxious. So I avoided opening my emails that morning. “Soon it will be lunchtime, I can go to the swimming pool and do some self-hypnosis, meditate and calm down" I told myself. It worked out, and I felt good and kind of happy, but I was still not productive for my work. The complete action plan for the first weeks of January I worked so hard for during December; I was unable to execute it.

The following day I had panic attacks even on the bicycle on the way to the work. I felt more and more pain the closer I was coming to my workplace. I tried to procrastinate the best I could, to avoid the pain. I open the emails, and I began to have panic attacks. I tried to convince me like the other day that by going to the swimming pool I can push myself into a positive state of mind. But before I went into the swimming pool, I already knew, that this time I couldn’t make it. I was lying to myself. I tried to use my mental tricks to suppress my body sensations. It worked the other day, but that day, my inner child was revolting, and it was screaming for his rights. And so it was. I went back to work completely exhausted. Finally, I met my friend and colleague Pierre in the hall, from whom I was hiding since the beginning of the year because I knew I could not hide how I really felt in front of him. He greets me euphorically: ”Happy new year Ben, how are you?” and looks me in my face. I couldn’t help myself I had to start crying, the mental pain was way too intense. I ultimately had an emotional outburst, and I lost any capability to communicate correctly. I was mentally wholly gone. And even then, I didn’t want to let go and admit that it was the end. Pierre just told me to go home and that he will take over and talk to my boss.

"There is a difference between giving up and knowing when you had enough"
-Anne Emonts

Even if I felt mentally destroyed, at the same, it felt like joy. Someone just removed me such a big backpack I was carrying all the time. There was no going back anymore, someone finally determined for me to let go. Thankfully someone took for me the decision to let go, I was not able to do it myself. I couldn't really realise that this was the end. I had to force myself to relax. My body was screaming at me very loudly to stop. But I didn't really know what it meant to rest. I was always used to be active, be occupied. But at that moment I had to face the emptiness for the first time. I felt like I failed. After the beginning euphoria that the backpack was gone, the depression and confusion started. I completely lost any self-confidence I had. My ego was dying completely. I tried to inform myself how to help myself out of this situation, but I couldn't properly concentrate. I did intensive hypnosis sessions with hypnosis college and friend on a regular basis. I went into a trance for hours and hours over and over again. I went through the emotional pain. Deeper and deeper into my subconscious mind, in the hope it would lead me to complete liberation one moment. I healed a lot of traumas, but the more I took out, the more I realised I also started to give others the responsibility for my state of mind.

"I wanna save everyone from pain, depression, loneliness and heartache, but how can I do that if I can't save myself?"

Things were changing, but I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I went to a psychiatrist and psychologist, and I was impressed by how no one had a clue in what kind of state I was in? I thought a burnout is something widespread, and I could actually rely on other people to help me?! The so-called professionals were utterly useless. I felt angry, I had the feeling that I have to pull out myself completely alone. Suddenly I got aware of the complexity of the human psychology. Before I got into this state no one was able to help me out of, I was laughing at people having burnouts at work. Self-reflection, psychological growth seemed like something which was not really of importance. My perception of being in a normal state or not normal state was completely deformed. What is actually a normal state? What is the definition of being normal? The more I was talking to people about that, the more I got confused and angry against myself that I put myself into that misery.

In February '17, one month later after my "failure" I had the idea to go to the forest to live in complete solitude. The last attempt by my ego to show how strong I am and how I can survive on my own and just meditate. I possess a deep love for nature. During the month on my own in the flat in Brussels, I really got more crazy. When I was not busy to distract myself, I tried unsuccessfully to find a solution what I should do about my situation. Friends were visiting me, but I felt so bad that they were seeing me in such a weak position. So I tried to keep up a good picture of myself in front of them. I couldn't be myself ultimately. And this idea to go into this perfect environment where everything is working in symbiosis was inspiring me. During that time, I was reading a fantastic book [2] which really helped me to start changing my belief system. Once arrived in the forest, I felt grounded. It was a tremendous time in the beginning, but after a while, I couldn't do it anymore. I wasn't adequately equipped for the conditions to survive in the forest during February. I was eating actually terrible food, and there was no more pleasure in staying in the woods after 1 week for me. I packed the most important stuff at 11pm on a Saturday night and went back to my parent's place. When I got back into the forest the next day, my parents were so friendly to join me. I couldn't help myself, I was continually judging them how much errors they did during my childhood and how all the health problems and mental problems not only for me but also for my sisters are on a big part their fault. Something I still feel really sorry about.

After this experience in the forest, I lost more and more my self-confidence. I didn't know what to do with myself and my life. Everything tried to accomplish was to hard for me. I sank into a more and more depressive state.

"STRENGTH doesn't come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't."
-Rikki Rogers

A friend of mine told me about his plans to go in October to Australia, and I thought not such a bad idea, but I was still hoping to go back to my old job or to get another position in the company. I thought this was my identity, I couldn't see myself in something else. I felt like it was the last chance to BE someone. I had from time to time some symptoms related to the MS. As soon as I ate something which was forbidden after the strict diet of Dr Gunda Schlinck, I had to pay immediately for it. I felt like I´m just a piece of sh**, mentally and physically. And then the "worst"-case scenario happened to me. I get fired from my job, while I was still officially sick. Someone just took away the last security I always had, which I tried to protect so much. I was so much engaged with this company emotionally. I gave everything to the company. It felt like someone stabbed me with a knife in my back. Before that my ego was pleased, but at this moment I had nothing to identify myself with anymore. It felt like everything was gone.

"When the EGO dies, the soul awakes"
-Mahatma Gandhi

Powerful emotions were the answer, from complete anger to deep depressions for several weeks. I felt so much sadness. I was in complete aversion to the situation. My ego was utterly hurt. I felt so sad that I didn't want to live anymore. I honestly asked myself, what is the sense of living. What the fu** was I still worth it? The more I was suffering, the more I dragged Nora with me in my suffering. I heard about that walking on the St. Jaques de Compostella is a way to find back to yourself. So I started planning the trip to Spain. But I was hesitating and made everything more complicated as it was. I was waiting for the approval of others before taking my own decisions, making my own move. I was so chaotic, so confused, so unsure, my self-confidence was gone entirely. After changing the plan 100 times, I finally decided to fly to Spain. I decided to start my walk from Santander. My friend and mentor, Ignacio, travelled all the way from La Rochelle to Santander to transmit his positive energy to me, to give me his hope. Wow, there were so many people out there loving me. Being there for me. It was awe-inspiring to see how other people perceived me while I was making myself a hard time to recognise it in myself. My hike experience was a beautiful experience, but it was also a disaster. I completely overdid it. I asked too much of myself and after one week of walking my Achilles of my right foot was inflamed. I took a rest for 3 days in the hostel in Ribadesella, but I was also mentally not good, and I gave up. I decided to rely on others and give my body the time he needed to heal himself. I took a bus to Madrid to relax at my friend's place. I told him on the phone that I'm mentally and physically destroyed. But when he welcomed me in his home, he was just laughing. From the outside, I didn't look sickish or something. It was still difficult to let myself go in front of others and not put my mask on of the strong one.

The experience in the forest and while hiking showed me one thing. When I was planning something by myself, putting myself my own boundaries, I destroyed the experience. Apparently, I needed more guidance to find inner peace. Fortunately, I subscribed for the Vipassana meditation retreat which was starting right after my trip in Spain. I mean holidays are lovely, but I was not really facing my problems. During the meditation retreat, I thought, there was no escape anymore from my true self.

"Everything has changed and yet, I am more me than I've ever been"
-Iain Thomas

I cannot describe by words, what is happening on a vipassana meditation retreat. It makes no sense to intellectualise it, one must experience by himself. I felt the first time in my life what it means to be completely happy. Before the depressions started, I cannot say that I perceived my emotional state at any time as especially unhappy. I realized that all this time I was missing out on the upper frequencies on the scale of happiness. It enlarged the spectrum of my reality. It opened up a completely new understanding of who I am and in which world I was living in.

3 days after the retreat, I had a new MS crisis and half of my face was paralysed. Life provided me with the perfect opportunity to stay equanimous, but I took it personally. I freaked out. When I left the meditation retreat, and I was so full of positive energy, but I couldn't stand this challenge. I already had to fight in front of my normal environment, that the person I was before the retreat evolved into another one. But all together was a level to high for me. I completely felt back into the aversion of the situation. I restarted the Broedersdorff therapy with Dr Gunda Schlinck. But I was utterly fed up from all of this. It felt like I had no more air to breathe. I didn't want to continue to live like this.

In August '17, again a complete change. My mother felt the urgency of the situation and was looking for alternatives and found a completely new therapy form. The guy was making videos on youtube where he was stating that he healed people with multiple sclerosis [3]. People who were sitting already 7 years in the wheelchair could suddenly walk again. I was fed up by all this rollercoaster, but of course, I wanted to try it. I mean, let's face it, what could possibly happen? The worse case was that I will lose some money and I have to go back to the radical treatment of Gunda Schlinck. I went to the first treatment with KIM, and he explained to me his technique in details like an engineer. Well actually he is an engineer, and he developed this mechanical approach of healing people with severe diseases over the last 40 years. He basically explained to me that I have to forget all the bullsh** Gunda Schlinck was telling me about the viruses. MS is not a sickness, and the symptoms of the illness are not related to any kind of viruses or psychological problems, it's a purely mechanical problem. Either you let entirely go of any beliefs that the sickness is coming from somewhere else than a mechanical problem, or he cannot help you. It was really difficult for me to accept after all my investigations about the source and the reason for the sickness, but fair enough if he can still heal me. After the first session, I was just utterly speechless. My whole reality was thrown upside down again. I felt exhausted from all this changing. I just wanted to feel alright. But what I didn't realise immediately was, that this guy was actually the most fantastic thing which could have happened to me. After the beginning shock to do something completely different again, I actually felt so much lighter. He was able to take away so much anxiety which was inside of me. I suddenly realised that my whole reality was built on fear. All this time since last summer when I had my first MS crisis again, I was so anxious. It is one thing that I didn't take the conventional medicine and didn’t wanted to destroy my body. On the other hand, I was living in constant anxiety and doubt because I didn't want to accept and identify with this sickness. And now there is this guy who is helping people who were 7 years in the wheelchair back to walk. My biggest nightmare just vanished. What a bliss!!! Finally, I felt like I'm on the road of healing. Here you can find my video with him [4].

Now that I was relieved from my biggest fear, it was time to reconnect to my inner Self. What better place could there be than Australia, to explore the endless realms of myself by travel an infinite country with so much beautiful nature to discover. All these years while I was "fighting" and in aversion to the sickness, I completely reinforced false beliefs instead of healing myself from them. My entire mindset was intoxicated by the false beliefs I was carrying around me for such a long time. To change my mindset sustainably, I had to look closer to my belief system. I thought that the sickness brought me to those false beliefs, but I had to understand later on that the illness itself was just my speaking body showing me all the false agreements I did with myself.

The first beliefs I had to shake, were my relationship with money, the expectation I had for myself and the relationship towards myself. And life provided me with the exact right challenges in the first days in Australia to get over my fears, doubts and excuses to manifest the outcome we wanted for ourselves. I´m really thankful that I was not alone in this challenging times. Nora showed by example how to trust her intuition and how to align her emotions with her thoughts. With all this rationality I was praying all the time, Nora showed me something that seems supernatural. Which is at the end not so supernatural but just pure science. As explained in the Book I was reading, it is all really logical explained by quantum mechanics. Everything is made out of energy and not so much out of matter. And even my thoughts and emotions are energy and can influence and shape my own reality. If I was able to align my emotions and my thoughts, I could actually change my reality [5]. How crazy is that? I knew it somehow all these years, but I never had 100% faith in it, because there was no scientific proof for it, as I thought. Nora was able to be my light and show me how to manifest the impossible. We found the car and for the price we wanted it. While I started to believe, I was attracting with my fears still a lot of negative things in my life. Continuously rainy weather, and a lot of solicitation with the guy from the Airbnb. But right in time life provided us with the right opportunities. The moment we had the car, the situation at the AirBnB got out of control and we had to leave the apartment to protect ourselves. And that's how life brought us to Abbie with her dog Rara. What a relief in one day. How incredible it seems, I still had doubts that I couldn’t rely completely on the quantum field. I mean we already made the impossible possible: we found the car we wanted, we finally had a fantastic host who was giving us a lot of love, but the most "difficult" part was still in front of us. How the heck will we be able to build the van in the remaining days while we still had a roof over our head or was there another solution?

It was right before the weekend, and Abbie told us that she would love to go with her boyfriend to Fraser Island for a surfing competition, but she couldn't go because of her dog Rara. Rara was a lovely beast, an all eating animal full of love and loyalty. Out of compassion and love, we proposed to her that of course she should go and join her boyfriend a make herself a wonderful time. The remaining thing we had to achieve was, how the heck we are going to build the van.

"What you give is what you get."
-Maxime Bontemps

On my birthday, I truly let go, I stopped worrying and just allowed myself to enjoy. This was the moment when I opened up to the quantum field. On this day we met an angel, a warrior: our hero, Luke W. and his dog. We just came back from buying a 2nd hand surfboard to enjoy the day in the waves and Luke happened to